Dear papa,

you know i used to wonder why I never see you cry before. i mean,  you never cried in front of me. ever. not even once. not even when our relatives died or when granpa was sick. when i was being rebellious when im not listening. but now tht i think about it, i have figured that you love me so much. you never show your tears because you want to show me tht no matter what happens, even if something bad happens, you want to convince me that everything is going to be alright. nothing can hurt me as long as you're there. pa, i know how much you had suffered before. you were born poor. papa hidup dengan 2 helai baju sehelai seluar. pa nina tahu dulu papa basuh baju orang untuk dapatkan duit dekat asrama. nina tahu dulu atuk miskin. adik beradik papa ramai. papa tak balik raya sebab takde duit. your life used to be soooo hard. i know. thats why papa taknak anak anak papa lalui benda yang sama papa pernah lalui. sebab tu tak kira apa pun terjadi papa taknak kami rasa sikit pun susah.

you know what papa, i used to think that we are rich. because you gave me everything. dslr phone money laptop cloths shoes name it. i have it all. But as i grow up I started to observe more. Pa, the only reason why i thought that we are rich is because you never show me how much pain you hv been through to get everything I need. i never realize how busy you are (work at 7 until 5) and how many times you have been sick. Pa, i never see you suffer. i thought life was easy for you. you can get whatever you want whatever you wish.

 i was wrong. pa, ( too young to realise). pa, the worst thing is, you never spent for yourself. I WAS SOOO STUPID TO ONLY SEE IT NOW. I am sorry pa. even that papa yang cari duit tu susah susah dari pagi sampai malam yang belanja duit titik peluh papa semua kami pa. you gave everything tht mama wants. dari rumah kereta sampai segala galanya. every penny of them falls to us. pa, I know how old and annoying your laptop is. BUT YOU BOUGHT ME THE LATEST ONE PA! you didnt spend your money for yourself  but you bought me one instead just because I said that I want one.even though you rarely used your laptop, I know you still need them. i thought you never want anything.  until one day, I found out that you want something for yourself. a bike that cost ratus ribu idk. sama harga dengan sebijik kereta. pa, for the first time in my life, you said that you want to buy something for yourself. not for mama not for me. for you.. and gosh I know how much you want them. even though you never mention how bad you want that bike but i know pa. i know that you always buy a magazine about them, I once saw you watched youtube about it. i once heard your conversation that if I manage to fly, you wished to buy that bike from australia keep it there for one year and bring it here. and if i am going to be a student there, it will be no problem to do so.

 pa, i hope i can fulfill your dream this time. I never gave you anything. anything pa. so this time. only for this time i wish i can give something to you. i can never repay your kindness, but at least this time pa. i really want to do this for you. because I know if I failed this time, you will forget about that bike and buy me a car instead. kalau nina belajar kat Malaysia I know. you would definitely do that. but if I failed, im sorry. im going to try so hard but if takde rezeki, please.. my foundation is hard. so hard i can barely breath for myself. but they said nothing is impossible. pray for me. well, i know you always do that 

I love you pa. i love you so much.