hello

Dear you, I find you very attractive. That's all I want to say.

18tahun

you know, i just realized Im going to turn 18teen and yeah, there were so many memories for the past 18 years. the ups and downs. gosh, somehow when i look  at it, i feel so sad. haha. "zaman sekolah zaman paling tak boleh dilupakan". cliche. i know. somehow so true.

now that i remember, i start writing when i was 15teen. aku selalu panggil tahun tu zaman gelap aku. haha.
sengal. rasa macam cool gila dulu sebab tulis blog. Rasa macam writer bhai. hahaha. okay loser. boleh pergi mati sekarang.

well, so many things happened. time sure flies fast huh? i guess i have changed too. bila baca balik post lama rasa nak bunuh diri. hahahaha



hmm I wonder how I will going to celebrate my 18teen birthday.

EPIC

Apabila perempuan kata "lelaki semua sama" . itu cliche.

tetapi bila ada lelaki cakap "lelaki semua sama" . hmmm

Aku baru beli laptop

tahu tak benda apa paling annoying? bila engkau tengah melayari internet tibatiba pop! laptop engkau shut down sebab kau lupa sambungkan charger. okay aku tahu salah aku sebab hiraukan benda kecik yang keluar kat tepi paparkan "battery 8%" tetapi dia juga katakan "10minutes and the device will shut down".

tetapi tak sampai 2minit laptop aku akan gelap secara tibatiba.

ciss. Aku benci teknologi

this typical type of person

No matter where i go, even now. there will always be this type of person. 

when this type of person saw me studying or revising or finishing something for educational purpose, they would always come and said something like "wahh rajinnyaaaa" "ni mesti comfirm A ni" "eh kenapa rajin sangat? you ni rajin gila kot" and it annoyed me every single time. like seriously.

it is soooo obvious you are trying to say tht you are actually jealous.

it is soooo obvious you are saying my work is not worth it.

it is soooo obvious you are trying to make me feel down.

it is soooo obvious you are trying to say that "oh aku ni tak belajar kuat sangat macam kau pun tapi dapat score jugak. aku kan pandai."

gosh your smirk is written all over your face!

all of my friends (well most of them) will do this to me. even someone im not used to talk to will do the same thing. I just cant understand why! is it really give you all the satisfaction? 

just that, your true motive is so obvious... I just cant ignore it somehow.

you are suppose to be supportive , my dearest friends. are you really are my friends?

ATAU ORANG MELAYU MEMANG BEGINI?

maybe i am being too sensitive i dont know. but no matter where i go this kind of situation will appeared. not only to me but to someone else too. I deeply understand their feelings.

"Life is full of crappy things and there are this type of person that were going to make you feel down and small, so that they can look BIG"

1:41 am

I know this will sound stupid. but even though i went home every weekend (shah alam and kl is merely km's away) but i still feel this kind of homesick. yes this piece of shit. im not quite sure why.

maybe because i hv to struggle here.

maybe because my english is still so sucks compared to others.

maybe because im not confident enough with myself.

maybe because i dont have anybody here.

maybe because i think too much.

maybe because mathemathical studies is extremely hard.


i guess i just have to speak with the one that love me most-ALLAH.

like, pray for me. i need tht. i feel hopeless. a mess.

YA ALLAH, show me the way.

a piece of dream

You know the feeling when you dont know what is wrong with you but you still feel this feelings. unsure and uncertain feelings. macam ada benda tersekat kat hati. and then you realized you completely feel nothing. yeah i thought so, hormonal turbulence.

Assalamualaikum to whoever tht is still reading this.

you know, study is not that hard. i guess. tipu. it is hard. since I'm not exactly what you can call a genius. but then Alhamdulillah DENGAN IZINNYA I have been performing academically well since UPSR, PMR. and TRIAL SPM - with a hard work. (my trial result is not consider as excellent but it managed to get me here, in INTEC)

while most of my friends are relaxing and sleeping and working and relaxing relaxing relaxing and complaining how bored their life are. here i am at INTEC = revising, memorising, worrying about up-coming assignments and examinations -simply sucks. TAK BUKAN KUFUR NIKMAT KE APA. I am still grateful to be here. Allah picked me to be here. I am the chosen one. ALHAMDULLILAH ALHAMDULLILAH ALHAMDULLILAH.

you know, the thing is, I hv always get what I want. I was raised like tht- not tht i want to. so its always easy for me to feel vulnerable , week, insecure , sensitive and yeah you got what i mean. I OBVIOUSLY NOT A STRONG PERSON. I easily give up on everything. But not in study i guess. i dont know its just tht I know i owed my parents so so much and this is the ONLY thing I can at least do for them. since you know, im not a good daughter. i love to rebel and not to mention how extremely selfish I can be. So, I want to make them proud of me. tak banyak sikit pun jadilah.

but its been harder and harder and harder. but i guess life is just like that.

AUSMAT programme is tough. if you think SPM is tough, well wait until you see how i look now. okay, I am exaggerating it a bit but yeah. if i can't get 85% for my SACE examination- which is at the end of this year. i am done. my dream will only remain as a dream. BUT PUH-LEASE I REALLY WANT TO FLY. I REALLY REALLY WANT TO FULFILL my parent's dream. i just want this so badly i think im going to cry. YA ALLAH.

okay, AUSMAT is hard (SUSAH GILA KAU TAU TAK) and i am still progressing really really slow compared to the others (also, my english sucks) but i will hold this words : NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE.

this 3 remarkable powerful words. and i will fight this time. i will not be tht powerless pampered easily give up Milla anymore.

- and of course, I always have HIM. Ya Allah, permudahkanlah urusanku. YA ALLAH..