friends

But
at the end of the day
All you have is yourself

nafsu

pernah tak kau rasa

sangat sangat berdosa

tapi akhirnya kau tak buat apa apa

nafsu

kalau aku boleh buang kau

dah lama aku buang

tak pun

aku pijak pijak sampai hancur

kepada abang yang muka macam que haidar,

kebab yang awak jual kat pasar malam memang sedap.

KEJAM AKU

sebab aku rasa nak menangis
hidup ni susah
hati perasaan semua aku macam nak campak
sebab aku taknak peduli lagi.


tapi
aku kena berjuang demi masa hadapan
nak mengalah sekarang memang tak berguna

aku 18tahun
masih jauh untuk aku pergi

mungkin sekarang susah
supaya aku bersedia untuk susah yang akan datang

aku nak jerit
aku nak tidur
aku nak belah
aku nak lari

tapi akhirnya aku kat sini
luahkan semua yang ada dalam hati

walaupun aku tahu
tak kira panjang mana aku mengadu kat sini
ia takkan mengubah apa apa

aku kena menghadapi realiti
akhirnya

argh. aku perlu berdoa.

lelaki

sometimes, guys

they think they are so cool so

they make fun of the girls

I admit, girls do overreact sometimes

we are sensitive, predictable, gedik, drama queen,

but really guys,

sometimes you just have to look at us further

more, deeply. i guess 

because we are more than that

most of the time we regret everything we say

or everything we do

we even feel sorry for ourselves 

Dear future,

please be nice,
go ahead and make me cry
make me suffer
but at the end of the day,
please tell me that
everything is worth it
and I would be fine.

we accept the love we think we deserve

somehow when I was reading this line before
I felt there are some kind of feelings in my heart
that i can relate to

umm you see, I havent actually found the right one, umm yet
Im not actually looking, though
there are so many things happening now
and I was busy with my foundation

well crush is a lot different story
they just come and go,
just a little something to fill the loneliness inside

but you see even though im quite busy with stuffs
there were times when I really thought a lot about these things

sometimes I really just accepted the love I thought I deserved
just that I wanted to be loved
I wanted to feel something
with someone

like I said before, im not looking
but you can say there are some guys
ah well
mostly they come and go (or me running away)
and every single of them will left me with something
its either a lesson, or.. idk i cant think
urgh im not talking  about this

thing is, when I started to think about liking someone
(and when I like someone, I always like someone who is sexy as hell)
I couldnt help but feel that this guy is too good for me
there I am, with average beauty and average body
not sopan santun, talk a lot about crappy things
amazingly not attractive, not worthy, a loser.

but lately I have been ignoring this negative bullshit
that I created myself
i started to think about
"dude im sexy as hell and funny as ever. despite my average look, im not plain. there are so many greatness in me. I couldnt even express that in words."

and yeah life is mostly full of bullshit
but believe me, you are what you think you are
dont let those negative things define you.

we accept the love we think we deserve, and we deserve a beautiful one.

so keep going
because all the good things come to those who wait.

being alone

lately,

I always be alone. like you can say I walk, drive and eat alone.

not that im being anti social or anything.

but you can say this phase im facing right now is quite bizarre

cause I never think so much and talk too little in my life.

mostly I just talk craps and whatever random things on my mind.

but at this very moment, Im quite comfortable

with all these.

now I have time to think about everything again

like what I said before

what I did before

i tried to define myself

and I thought more about

what im going to do next

not that I dont think about them before

I did

but when you are all alone

you kinda see things more clearly

and feel something more deeply

intensely

I have been thinking so much about my future. 

random things like what I really want to do with my life

what I ought to do to be happy

that kind of stuffs.

and before when I was walking alone 

I observed more about my surroundings

I never actually did that. 

and when I did, I felt..

emm idk how to describe these feelings

but yeah something just stab me right in the heart

and surprisingly I feel much much better, positive, grateful  

that kind of things

I always be that funny random cheerful girl

that just who I am. I cant stop being myself

but im grateful that now I have more time for myself

im still confused though

my grammar sucks. yeah

i will be focusing more on that

after this

i promise