a piece of dream

You know the feeling when you dont know what is wrong with you but you still feel this feelings. unsure and uncertain feelings. macam ada benda tersekat kat hati. and then you realized you completely feel nothing. yeah i thought so, hormonal turbulence.

Assalamualaikum to whoever tht is still reading this.

you know, study is not that hard. i guess. tipu. it is hard. since I'm not exactly what you can call a genius. but then Alhamdulillah DENGAN IZINNYA I have been performing academically well since UPSR, PMR. and TRIAL SPM - with a hard work. (my trial result is not consider as excellent but it managed to get me here, in INTEC)

while most of my friends are relaxing and sleeping and working and relaxing relaxing relaxing and complaining how bored their life are. here i am at INTEC = revising, memorising, worrying about up-coming assignments and examinations -simply sucks. TAK BUKAN KUFUR NIKMAT KE APA. I am still grateful to be here. Allah picked me to be here. I am the chosen one. ALHAMDULLILAH ALHAMDULLILAH ALHAMDULLILAH.

you know, the thing is, I hv always get what I want. I was raised like tht- not tht i want to. so its always easy for me to feel vulnerable , week, insecure , sensitive and yeah you got what i mean. I OBVIOUSLY NOT A STRONG PERSON. I easily give up on everything. But not in study i guess. i dont know its just tht I know i owed my parents so so much and this is the ONLY thing I can at least do for them. since you know, im not a good daughter. i love to rebel and not to mention how extremely selfish I can be. So, I want to make them proud of me. tak banyak sikit pun jadilah.

but its been harder and harder and harder. but i guess life is just like that.

AUSMAT programme is tough. if you think SPM is tough, well wait until you see how i look now. okay, I am exaggerating it a bit but yeah. if i can't get 85% for my SACE examination- which is at the end of this year. i am done. my dream will only remain as a dream. BUT PUH-LEASE I REALLY WANT TO FLY. I REALLY REALLY WANT TO FULFILL my parent's dream. i just want this so badly i think im going to cry. YA ALLAH.

okay, AUSMAT is hard (SUSAH GILA KAU TAU TAK) and i am still progressing really really slow compared to the others (also, my english sucks) but i will hold this words : NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE.

this 3 remarkable powerful words. and i will fight this time. i will not be tht powerless pampered easily give up Milla anymore.

- and of course, I always have HIM. Ya Allah, permudahkanlah urusanku. YA ALLAH..