mengimbas memori dengan penuh perasaan

lapan belas tahun aku hidup.

tahu umur tu masih tak matang

garam tak cukup makan lagi.

hidup tak penuh dengan duri lagi.

I just need to say that I am remarkably grateful for having such a wonderful life.

I didn't get everything that I wanted but.... yeah.

aku sedar, aku anak sulung - selalu pastikan yang apa aku nak, aku dapat.

sebenarnya nak cerita

my childhood was actually more or less the same with everyone.

I have mama papa adik nenek atuk sedara jiran.

crush sebelah rumah , crush anak kawan mama.

pretty much the same.

but, back then I was rebellious. 

pergi sekolah pun pakai make-up you.

rambut tocang dua kalau tak taknak pergi sekolah.

ponteng sekolah perkara biasa.

ponteng puasa jangan cerita.

menipu menipu menipu menipu.

senang cerita aku ni memang penipu habis dulu.

orang kata mula mula menipu lama lama mencuri.

tak kisah siapa orang tu, tapi dia betul.

aku mula mencuri. curi duit mama sekali rm50 , 

curi duit tabung sendiri walaupun mama tak kasi.

okay aku tarik balik, mungkin childhood kita berbeza.

but then I was grateful to have such an amazing parents,

who raised me up and give me a birthday cake every year.

they give me everything they could to make sure 

I have everything I need.

In primary school,

you can say i am quite.. better.

bukan devil yang suka menipu dan mencuri lagi.

kejap, menipu tu mungkin.

old habits are hard to die.

aku mula suka anime entah apa apa

lepastu first exam aku dapat number 2 dalam class.

kalah dengan bestfriend sendiri.

aku bukan suka sangat belajar dulu.

nak kata rajin, balik rumah melantak membongkang macam boss adelah.

tapi aku tak suka kalah.

dannnnn sebab aku rasa aku nak dapat number 1 aku pun study lah.

aku dah kata aku memang selalu pastikan apa aku nak aku dapat.

jadi dipendekkan cerita,

I scored every test after that. first ranking until UPSR.

and yes, 5A for UPSR.

I vividly remember I actually watch anime until 3 am night before exam.

I dont even know how I score and get that 5A.

still, Alhamdullilah.

with that 5A Alhamdullilah I got myself into the most excellent boarding school in Malaysia.

I scored my PMR and SPM with flying colours and i am now on my way to oversea.

cehh takdelah aku tipu.

aku ada 4 sekolah menengah.

AL AMIN, SMK BATU MUDA, MRSM MUKAH, MRSM MERBOK.

and I survived all of it! 

at AL-AMIN, I was... okay? i guess.

But i remember how much I hate that school. 

mostly because the tudung was too big,

and I couldnt bring myself to do the hafazan

( I never actually passed any of my hafazan tests)

and hafazan was compulsory for every students.

i hate the seniors, i hate them all.

too many people judged me.

yeah I used to hate that school 

but there was soo many things that I learnt from that school though.

tapi masa tu aku baru nak up -susah nak terima hidayah.

I believe my parents send me there so that I wouldn't be influence by bad kids

they did the right things.

tapi aku anak sulung akan pastikan semua yang aku nak aku dapat,

aku cakap dah tadi kan,

jadi aku ambil keputusan untuk failed kan semua papers for mid term,

termasuk bahasa melayu. 

untuk ugut mak aku supaya pindahkan sekolah.

CELAKA PUNYA ANAK. 

okay itu dulu. maafkan saya, mama.

jadi.... aku berjaya pindah SMK BATU MUDA

okay taknak cerita pasal sekolah ini.

zaman bodoh bodoh bodoh

ponteng sekolah pakwe rempitzzzz myspace

pakwe tak pernah jumpa ada, pakwe sebelah kelas semua ada

loser loser loser perasan hot bajet cool perasaan swag 

semua jenis kecelakaan ada semasa aku berada di sekolah ini.

I was being rebellious - maximum level.

I wanted to do things the way I want it to be done 

BUT , you guys must be impressed because

I actually got 8A's for PMR. (alhamdullilah)

I never actually study for every test like mid term final exam and stuffs,

mostly I got markah atas atas pagar. nak dekat fail tapi tak fail.

I tried to maintain my grades so that I can still be in the first class.

aku rasa masuk kelas pertama ni macam cool.

3 months before PMR, I started to... study. like betul betul punya study.

sebab utama nak score PMR :

1) classmates semua bijak bijak so taknak kalah.

2) tiada.

so I scored and get my ass out from there.

I didnt manage to get into MRSM at the first place.

masa tu aku rasa masuk mrsm tu cool sbb haziq aliah masuk sana.

bila aku tak dapat aku rasa tak cool.

tapi aku anak sulung akan pastikan apa aku nak aku dapat.

jadi setelah beremo selama sebulan,

aku berjaya menjadi pelajar MRSM (yang aku rasa cool sangat dulu tu)

then, I apparently started to change.

physically and mentally. 

In MRSM, I learned to put trust in Him.

I learned to feel His love

I learned to cry and complain everything only to Him.

Whenever I felt miserable, 

whenever I felt like giving up,

I took my sejadah ,telekung and cried to Him.

that is when I decided to wear hijab.

Dengan penuh rasa bersyukur, 

I again, scored in my SPM and get SPC (skim pelajar cemerlang)

i am now studying at INTEC 

doing foundation in accountancy
and mayyyyyyyybe if I score again,
Im going to further my study in australia.
IF I SCORE.

yeah, cool story bro.
im not trying to show anything

what im trying to say is,

no matter what happend,

ALLAH KNOWS BEST.

Believe in Him.